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Updated: Dec 13, 2022

Here we go…

I have been contemplating the idea of a blog or vlog for several years…

I’ve created written blog and instagram reel episodes... each time, feeling inadequate and deleting the work.

The voice in my head is strong as it shows me the things I’ve failed at… a long list to be sure. I hear the echos of my anxiety and past depression… I hear the echos of the businessman who at my lowest point shortly after losing everything in a business bankruptcy thought it wise to tell me “Gord I’ve always thought you oversell yourself”… and while he may have been right… that moment confirmed what I already really thought about myself… I had nothing to offer anyone.

It’s as if I’m sitting in a courtroom…  the prosecution is well rehearsed…methodically bringing up each misstep, error in judgement, failure or embarrassment…

I should be discouraged and filled with doubt…. But I’m not…

I lift my head… and in the courtroom of my mind…. I slowly rise as I remember who I am… or rather WHO has made me who I am meant to be.

As I begin to reflect on my journey and the things I have learned… as I remember my grandkids and kids… as I think about friends who also have experienced the deep brokenness of failure and self doubt and rose past them…. I then begin to see the lies.

I almost began to believe those lies… based on partial or perceived truths founded in weak moments in my journey and the shallow judgements of people as weak and prone to failure as myself… it was all just noise… a distraction designed to stall me on the altar of the small "g" god of self that is focused solely on my own perceived value.

Perhaps I can bring new life and encouragement to just one person Perhaps I can be the change in just one persons life…more than that however, perhaps I can grow in my own capacity... refining my faith and my heart through writing. Writing has been a substantial part of my walk towards wholeness, so why not allow that to inspire others to do the same in their own journals?

I don’t plan on making this a neat and tidy space. I will likely make grammatical errors and perhaps other errors as well... but it will be honest. I will share aha moments from my personal victories in overcoming addiction and anxiety… and I’ll also share a few regrets. I will delve into a layman’s form of apologetics and I will talk about my generational battle with adhd, anxiety and depression. I will bring some stories from others who have inspired me. Finally... I will share foundational truths about my faith journey… one that has been deconstructed and rebuilt on bedrock.

I am a man who is no longer paralyzed and chained by doubts and shame. Perhaps it is time to start writing… perhaps by some divine appointment to bring hope to someone else.

So here is my first post… just a nobody trying to tell everybody… about somebody, who can save anybody!

Stay strong and be the change my friends!

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